Each and Every Song
by Embracer
Summary: I know now. I didn't before, and have to say that ignorance would be bliss. I know what the books speak of. I know what the songs sing of. I know the meaning of the words "in love," and I wish I didn't. I know I will never feel it again. Life won't allow that, but I'm not so sure it is better to have loved than to never have loved at all. - Rating will change to M if continued.


_Author's Note: I had an idea, but I need your help to determine if I should keep writing. This would be a story about an affair, but hopefully will flesh out into a story with a lot of depth. Please let me know what you think. I'm counting on you guys to let me know._

**I DO NOT OWN anything related to the Hunger Games or the characters I am borrowing from the lovely Suzanne Collins.**

**Each and Every Song**

I know now. I didn't before, and have to say that ignorance would be bliss. I know what the books speak of. I know what the songs sing of. I know the meaning of the words "in love," and I wish I didn't. I know I will never feel it again. Life won't allow that, but I'm not so sure it is better to have loved than to never have loved at all.

That one moment in time sealed my fate. I came to see you and after helping relieve me of the dinner I brought to share, you looked at me with a whimsical smile and said, "Come here."

Meeting me half way, fingers reaching to touch my face, tracing my shape, eyes boring into me telling me that you were glad to see me, glad I was there, needed me there. My eyes a reflection of the same, my heart swelling with the feelings I only ever had with you; treasured, desired, dare I say it…loved.

The kiss that followed was everything, sweet and caring, full of desire for closeness, maybe more, but just that was enough to make me feel completely full. Pulling apart, seeing your eyes still closed, your face content, my defenses shattered. Forehead to forehead, just breathing each other in, clutching tightly, I fell over a cliff that would leave me with scars that will never heal.

That one moment plagues my mind more often than I wish. A reminder of what can never be. A moment where everything in me changed.

A friendship formed from an awkward encounter. We bonded over music and our parallel pasts. We argued over anything we could, both loving the good fight. Our evolution was unintended, but neither of us paused as we breached that border from which we could never return. Neither of us knew the permanent brand we would place on each other.

I know now what it's like to have someone mindlessly play with my fingers for no other reason than a desire to touch me. I know what it means now when they say, "the look in his eye took my breath away." It's not a predatory stare, or a wicked glint, not even adoration. It's a look that tells you that in that moment you are everything to him; the sun, the moon, and the stars. I know what it's like to kiss and kiss and kiss and when we finally break apart, to see your face so relaxed but lips parted as if begging me for just one more. I know what it's like to stare at each other and examine every feature without insecurity or fear, knowing that the adoration is mutual. I know what it feels like to be touched by someone who wants to touch every inch of you, not just the good parts. I know what it feels like to make love, really make love. To completely lose yourself in one another to the point where nothing else exists outside of the connection you share. I know what it feels like to sleep fitting so perfectly to one another that it's so comfortable that no nightmares are possible. I know that now, and I can't ever make that knowledge fade away.

Our paths had to part when we realized we were walking into a thunderous storm where everyone we cared about would be injured by our pairing. Neither of us free to choose. Our choices were made long ago, locked and bound to our own lives.

I will always remember you. I will never look at a blue French horn without you on my mind. I will always have you with me when I hear each and every song we shared, especially the one we sang together. The list of things that remind me is endless. I want to hate you for it, but I don't know how. No matter where I go or who I am with, you are the ghost that haunts me.

Will I ever feel that way again or am I destined to settle? Does it only happen once?

_Should I continue?_


End file.
